Get all 17 Bipolar Explorer releases available on Bandcamp and save 40%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of In The Hours Left Until Dawn, 10th Anniversary "Of Love and Loss" Live Solo Set, Forests, Voices, Coastlines, Dreams: Recordings for The Dark Outside, Deux Anges, eleven:eleven, The Dark Outside, The Light Within, Til Morning Is Nigh: A Dream of Christmas, Better Girl, and 9 more.
1. |
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Don’t feel lonely
I’m right here.
Don’t cry
Nothing is wasted.
Pack the good memories And leave the rest. Travel light
It suits you.
You are not damaged
I can tell
By the way you love me. We’re all of us
Covered in scars
And it doesn’t stop us from living.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
Like everyone,
You need to be loved.
And you are...
Disconsolate, alone, he returned to the small apartment that had been their home. Gently, reverently, he caressed her things - snapshots, one of her famous hot water bottles, the one with Marilyn Monroe on the front, her clothing, letters. He caressed them like relics, like treasure, and quietly slumped to the floor, still clutching a favorite blouse of hers, that he too loved. Hugging her things close, in his grief, he hoped somehow to wring her presence into being.
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2. |
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Love you like no other
Come for me
Never be another
Come for me
Took you, took your brother
Come for me
No reason
I can discover
Come for me
Only lonely
Come for me
Everything that you told me
Come for me
From nothin' but dirt
Come for me
Do nothin' but hurt
Come for me
And I can feel you
But I don't know where you are
Won't you take me
However distant or far?
Come to me in secret dreams
From the darkest star
Won't you take me where you are?
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3. |
From The First
01:46
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Lifting his head slightly, he held a postcard from her in his hands, reading it silently. She watched him. She always did. She always would. Far closer than he could dream to know but separated by an invisible barrier, like one-way glass, that only she could see. She spoke to him now, the very words he read. And he thought he dreamt he could see, could even touch her.
“You’ve always intrigued me”, she said, speaking what was written on the postcard from memory, “from the first moment I set my eyes on you. I wrote that sentence,” she continued, “several… no… many many days ago when I thought I could sum up how I feel about you on a postcard. You are unlike anyone I have ever known”.
With wonderment and tears streaming down his face, he went to her, touching her gently, gratefully. If he was dreaming, he thought, he mustn’t break the precious spell. She leapt into his arms and his heart was whole again. They kissed and then, speaking the rest of the card, she grabbed a boombox from the shelf… this one.
“Let’s rock this show one last time,” she said, “for us!”.
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4. |
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5. |
Building The Shrine
02:09
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Waking, he rose, full of purpose. The walls, he thought. Why is any of this here? “I want you around me”, he said. And he began to hang photos of her in every space, wherever his eye might fall, he would see her, always. And candles. A shrine. Sanctuary.
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6. |
Ocean
07:42
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Swallow your tears and make them mine
Tide's gone out and my mind's made up
Swallow your tears and make them mine
Swallow your tears and I'll turn back time
Tide's gone out and my mind's made up
Until That Day
Meet you under the waves-
Walk all the way to heaven
Until That Day!
Until That day!
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7. |
Torn
01:35
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He couldn’t be sure which was worse - waking to another day, each morning torn from dreams, torn from her, or the long nights when sleep could not find him. Sometimes, he rode the train for hours, listening to the songs that were theirs. She would watch him, full of care and protection and not a little worried until he was safely home and under the covers. And she would watch him there, too. She would watch him in his sleep…
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8. |
So Anyway
06:51
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Bury me underground
Where I can't hear a sound
I'll just slip away
Like every yesterday
If I could take your place
The end you had to make
I'd gladly make it mine
Bring you back to find
All on our own
Only alone
For anybody else
And even for yourself
There's no one here to see
Still means the world to me
All on our own
Only alone
Send your dark clouds for me
What mighta coulda been
Can now never be
No need to defend
We all are in the end
Send your dark clouds unto me
I guess you probably know
Would even tell me so
There isn't any doubt
I'm never finding out
All on our own
Only alone
Send your dark clouds for me
What mighta coulda been
Can now never be
No need to defend
We all are in the end
Send your dark clouds unto me
So anyway I guess
It's only for the best
We'll have to leave it there
Still clawing at the air
All on our own
Only alone
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9. |
Phantom Limb
01:53
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She would often visit, she would often come to him like this. Still in something like sleep, his eyes would open and he would see her. His angel was with him. They would pass a notebook back and forth, writing things. Later, upon waking he would try to remember it all. Get it down. She still had so much to show him. And in these times he could feel his old life, the beautiful one they had shared, vividly. Like a phantom limb. They would look out at a window together and see. She would grow, charmingly, guilelessly, drowsy. And he would carry her, his treasure, to their bed and fall asleep with her in his arms, her little feet curled around his ankles. Just like always. Just like always…
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10. |
Out
05:32
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Don't call me out...
And when you go
'Cause you're not mine
I'm just one more
thing to get behind you
So never mind
forever more, anyway
Don't call me out
And every time you stray
It gets so hard to find a way
I can't find you
From where I stand
Your words aren't clear
And I can see your life from here
But never mind forever more, anyway
Don't call me out
Don't call me out just yet
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11. |
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He found such comfort in dreams, but darker things followed him, there, as well. How could he ever have wasted a moment in disagreement or even anger when those moments were so terribly numbered? Regret followed and ate at what remained of him. He sometimes woke like this. Feeling they’d had some horrible argument and thinking he just needed to get her on the phone. If they could just talk he could make it better. In the dream, he awoke to her ringtone - crickets - but couldn’t get to the phone in time to answer. He’d call and call to no avail, watching day turn to night. Feeling the crush of regret and the horrible distance between them.
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12. |
Never
04:47
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Although you'll never know and it's much too late now
Even if it's no one's fault how it always breaks down
Even if there's only so much more that we can even take now
Even so, there's one more thing I just gotta say now
I didn't wanna
I never wanted to
Fall in love with you
Thought it was something there just for me and you now
So hard to see you share it with somebody new now
But maybe it's all you know, it's just what you do now
I didn't wanna
I never wanted to
Fall in love with you
Can't believe the best thing
That I ever had
Could make me feel so bad
I thought we'd have more time
I really thought we'd have our whole lives
I'll have to push that aside
Pack up my heart, choke down my pride
'Cause that's him on the other line
That's his car just pulled up outside
I didn't wanna
I never wanted to
Fall in love with you
Oh, my love…
(I'm sorry, so sorry)
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13. |
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Someone told him, early on, that he should talk to her, imagining she could hear. At first it seemed a bit crazy but it grew on him and he grew to need it. What he needed now and so often did was to ask her forgiveness. “I’m so sorry, little sweetheart”, he’d say, his eyes welling with tears. What even he couldn’t imagine was how much she did hear. In the dream, he fell to his knees before her, but she lifted him up. The night sky opened above them. She crawled into his lap as they looked at the stars. And she whispered something in his ear. She also wrote it on his arm. “Our Oneness,” she told him, looking intently into his eyes, speaking with urgency and conviction, “Our Oneness Can Never Be Erased”.
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14. |
Necessary Weight
07:35
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Maybe a thing or two
More left to say to you
On the way to the Love that's True
But you're always so far away
Misstep right off the mark
Words better said in the dark
Still stuck in my throat and heart
Always so far away
Your turn
Think it over sometime
Let it burn
'Way it always does mine
Lay me down on the dash of your car
And dream of the place
I dreamt you are
Between an ice grey moon and the morning star
Always so far away
Walls begin to crumble
And the ground just falls away
No matter what they told you
No matter what they say
Walls begin to crumble
And the earth just falls away
By any measurement or standard
It's just a necessary weight
Lay me down on the dash of your car
And dream of the place
I dreamt you are
Between a steel grey moon and the morning star
Always so far away
You're always so far away
Always so far away
So far away
Far away...
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15. |
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And at that hour, above, as he stood weeping, he saw the clouds part upon high. The moon, full and miraculous, closer in its orbit than any lifetime, big as a planet. It passed, parting, but not without a promise.
"Nearer now," he heard her whisper. "Nearer now than you can imagine."
He felt his heart gasp.
“And always", she said, "Unto The Forever."
"Unto The Forever", he repeated between sobs.
And once more in tandem, together they spoke.
"Unto the forever. Unto The Forever", they vowed.
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16. |
Sometimes in Dreams
01:51
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Sometimes, stirring but not wanting to surrender the world of sleep where he could find her, he would reach for a notebook near the bed in darkness, and try to write down, without ever opening his eyes, what she whispered to him in dreams.
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17. |
No Answer
04:58
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No answer
For the way you are
The way you are
In my heart
All and all and only you
Nothing to do
Can't help but fall
Nothing more to choose
Happy to lose myself in you
Just fall
In my heart
In my heart
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18. |
Thousand Thousand Summer
01:30
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For the way you are
A thousand things to say
In my heart
A thousand thousand
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19. |
The Choral Text Passage
15:14
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20. |
Circle of Protection
01:57
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Weary, his eyes burning, he lay down where he stood in the middle of the room. She circled him protectively, drawing the blinds, outing the lights and curling up at his side, whispering a song into his ear. "It's not about us", she said. "It was so dark for me once, too. Before I found you. Remember? We both said.”
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21. |
Dead End Street
05:11
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You can talk yourself into anything
Believe it's true
But nothing you can say
Will ever make me believe again in you
All you did just to break it
All you do can't erase it
Dead End Street
Lost our way down a
Dead End Street
No return
You tell me where to turn
When anything that ya wanna
Is everything that you're gonna
You tell me who gets burned
When everything that ya wanna
Is anything that ya gonna
Dead End Street
We can never replace it…
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22. |
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Sometimes, often, he lost his way.
For a time, there was drink, in which he found no real solace but led him to further despair and sometimes danger.
“I’ll die all over again,” she tried to say to him, “if you just give up.”
But in these moments, when he needed most to, he simply couldn’t hear her. Even so, she would never leave him. Her heart was too stout, her soul too intrepid, her love too courageous for that.
As he wandered the streets in drunkenness and self-loathing she followed him, pulled at his hand as the headlights of a cab flashed by running a stop sign. As he waited for a subway train, standing perilously close to tracks, she stood guard, unseen and un-sensed, guiding him over the gap and into the deserted late-night car.
Huddled against the wall, the tears coming again, he asked to be taken. But she spoke to him, softly and purposefully.
“No,”, she said. “No, my love. Not yet.”
He thought he heard her and so he answered, “But when? And how will I know it is my time?”
She sat with him on the small seat he’d crumpled himself into. “You will know. I will tell you. I will come and collect you, sweetheart. But not just yet.”
He had a far away look and she wasn’t sure she’d reached him. As he staggered out at the next stop and down the platform toward the exit to the street, she followed, concerned and vigilant, prodding him home until he fell safely, if sadly, into bed.
His sleep was restless, tortured, but she remained…
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23. |
Any Day
06:40
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My stupid hands
My foolish mouth
Let the one cover the other
Never let it out
I'll never know
It's so unfair
Dreamt you float alive above me
Catch you in mid-air
If only...
'Cause now you're gone… (hey, now)
Now you're gone
And I'm still alive
And any day is a good day to die
(…/I)
Don't sleep
Can't find my way
There's nothing left of me without you
All I need to say to you
But now you're gone … (hey, now)
Now you're gone
And I'm still alive
And any day is a good day to die
Close my eyes to find you
I'm right behind you
'Cause nothing so unkind could be true
Sleep is finally mine
And you...
But daylight shatters
Daylight shatters
Nothing matters
Any day's a good day to die...
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24. |
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As dawn broke she watched over him still, gently smoothing the worry lines out of his forehead. She rose and opened a small box from the shrine of her treasures he kept so faithfully. When she opened it- as I do now - the most beautifully sweet fragrance began to fill the room. Her fragrance – like cotton candy or the best birthday cake anyone ever made for you. And waking, he knew. He knew his angel was with him.
Rising with hope and faith and purpose he listened, sensing but not seeing her. He spoke quietly - too quietly for us to hear. He spoke quietly to her, the spirit he could feel in the room. And although he was looking in the entirely wrong direction, she was there, listening attentively. He wrote feverishly in their notebook as she whispered in his ear. And he was looking in entirely the wrong direction but could clearly hear her.
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25. |
Comin' Home
05:04
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Build their walls around
Just to keep you down
But they don't see you
They don't know
What they say - don't do it
Nothing more than a lie
And they choose it
They don't see you
They don't know
Tell me somethin'
Tell me all
Can't wait
I'm comin' home
You're everything I think of
Everything I love
Lived a lonely life
And swore
I was maybe alive before
But whatever that was I don't know
Built my life around you
Couldn't ever really live without you
Just you and me
I know that you know
Tell me somethin'
Tell me all
Can't wait
I'm comin' home
You're everything I think of
Everything I love
Comin' home
Tell me somethin', tell me all
Comin' home, Summer
I can't wait
I'm comin' home
You're everything
I think of
Everything I love...
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26. |
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As day turned to beautiful night, shadows overtaking the sun and still so very certain of her presence, he lit his candles. Waiting and wordlessly calling to her from deep within his being, Calling to her - the other half of his soul.
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27. |
Lost Life
07:43
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I still remember the day that we met
I'm still not anywhere over it yet
I remember the day that you died
I only wanna be with you on
The Other Side
And somehow
Someday
Somewhere
Some way
It was a beautiful life that we had
And I miss you, now, baby
Oh, so bad.
The Light's gone out
And I ache like thunder
I still need you
And I just wonder if...
Somehow
Someday
Somewhere
Some way...
Ah!
Life's so lonely without you
But I bet
I haven't even seen the worst of it yet
All the love inside you
It saved me
And I know
That wherever you are now sweetheart
Is where I must go
So, somehow
Someday
Somewhere
Some way
Ah!
And you are!
And you are!
And you are!
In this moment she appeared to him. In this waking hour he saw and could see. Overcome with emotion he understood at last. She beckoned and he returned to her joyfully, as she said, simply… now!
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28. |
Forever After Montage
06:25
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"Angels" lyrics (condensed version)
Call the angels in for me
Let it all come to be
Because a lifetime is just not enough
And the earth could never hold me
Because I still need you so much
So let the love that has so blessed us
Finally take me to my rest
And then…
Call the angels in for me
Let it all come
Let it all come
Let it all come to be
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Bipolar Explorer New York, New York
"Holy sonic icons. There is hauntology. Hauntology right in the center of their work."-Max Reinhardt (BBC 3/Soho
Radio)
"Magical & majestic." -Indiemusic (France).
"Great beautiful, drifty-pop filled with sadness & wonder" -Irene Trudel (WFMU)
"Mysterious. Otherworldly.” - Carson Street, KFJC
NYC-based experimental dreampop trio of Summer Serafin, Michael Serafin-Wells & Sylvia Solanas.
... more
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